Life after Birth

You´ve just brought your newborn home from the hospital. Is becoming a family a little more challenging than you thought?

Consider these scenarios:

• It’s 4:00 a.m. and your baby is waking up for the third time since you and your husband went to sleep. You both have to work in the morning.
• Your husband comes home after an exhausting day to find you and your baby waking from a nap. He says, "Where’s dinner?"

Bringing a new baby into your family means adjustments for everyone involved.

Here are a few words of advice to help make your transition from a couple to a family easier.

• Forget about the outdated (and unhealthy) stereotypes of mothers and fathers. The typical idea that Dad brings home the money while Mom looks after the kids and house doesn´t work in today’s double income family. Couples do better when they share chores and baby care. Some men, however, still feel bound by the notion that they are solely breadwinners and are incompetent around infants. Moms who have been in the workforce may have to grieve the loss of your old selves. You may also struggle with not "producing" the way you used to.
• Get rid of unrealistic expectations. Many first-time parents believe that good parents are all-knowing, all-giving, never angry or frustrated, and have babies that are always happy. Don´t try to force these expectations. Instead, adapt to reality. Parenthood is a continual learning experience. We learn, after all, from our mistakes. Be patient and understanding with each other.
• Unexpected demands can be overwhelming. You are probably surprised at how much time you have to spend taking care of one little baby. Dad leaves in the morning, with a messy house and a crying infant. He returns in the evening to a messy house and a crying infant. He wonders, "What have you done all day?" Be realistic and hang in there! Your baby will not be small for long. Remember, it´s the PEOPLE in the house that matter…not the THINGS!
• Moms should set very small, achievable goals…make the bed, take a shower, empty the dishwasher. You should list them, and then cross the tasks off, allowing yourself to feel good about each task, even if it´s just one!
• Get some support. Ask a friend or family member to babysit so you and your husband can go out on a date. You´re not being selfish when you take time out for yourself and each other.
• Take the advice of others with a grain of salt…their advice may be outdated – or just not fit your philosophy of parenting.
• Keep your lines of communication open. Men and women communicate differently, allowing misunderstandings. Bridge the gender communication gap and really talk to each other. Have a sense of humor…this is a very brief time in your lives as parents!